idealawg

Being productively dangerous by ignoring perfectionism: Learning bold from a story told

Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage,
You and I shall laugh together with the storm,
And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us,
And we shall stand in the sun with a will,
And we shall be dangerous.
From "Defeat" by Kahlil Gibran [should be centered on the page but that function of Typepad is not working today]

In skimming the new book The First 20 Hours: How to Learn Anything . . . Fast!, I ran into a story that has influenced me ever since. Not a day has gone by in the week, plus a day, since the reading that I have not found motivation in the story. As I learn new things such as iPhoneography, I now jump in more quickly and easily, making an ever-wider detour around perfectionism. I hope the story's influence does not wear off but instead lasts until the jumping-in attitude and skill is mastered by me at the level of unconscious competence.

Another lesson I learned from this story: The effects of a story, even a short one, can be potent. Actually I relearned that lesson, as I am already convinced of story's clout. And now here's that story:

The ceramics teacher announced on opening day that he was dividing the class into two groups. All those on the left side of the studio, he said, would be graded solely on the quantity of work they produced, all those on the right solely on its quality. His procedure was simple: on the final day of class he would bring in his bathroom scales and weigh the work of the "quantity" group: fifty pound of pots rated an "A", forty pounds a "B", and so on. Those being graded on "quality", however, needed to produce only one pot -- albeit a perfect one -- to get an "A". Well, came grading time and a curious fact emerged: the works of highest quality were all produced by the group being graded for quantity. It seems that while the "quantity" group was busily churning out piles of work - and learning from their mistakes -- the "quality" group had sat theorizing about perfection, and in the end had little more to show for their efforts than grandiose theories and a pile of dead clay.

Like the story?

Two signs: Two ways to turn

 

Want to help yourself and others get more done (and enjoy the doing)? Here's an excellent method

If you want to support people, including yourself, in making changes or accomplishing goals, read The Progress Principle. The simple message: Research shows that if we can see our progress, no matter how small, we are motivated to keep on the path towards the change or goal. I can't tell you how many times I have recommended the book, or how many times people have read the book and then sent me a hearty "thank you."

For a quick overview of the book, click to watch this video (99u) of coauthor Dr. Teresa Amabile. In it she mentions that a person can track their progress in many ways including using an app; one example of this kind of app is iDoneThis, which you can download for free.

A related technique comes from, of all people, the comedian Jerry Seinfeld. It's called "Don't Break the Chain" and is decribed at lifehacker:

I finally decided to give Jerry Seinfeld's productivity secret a try. It's more commonly known as "Don't Break the Chain," and the concept is simple: spend some amount of time doing a desired activity every day and, when you do, cross off that day on a calendar. This creates a chain of Xs showing your progress. If you don't do your specified task on one day, you don't get an X and that chain is broken. It seems almost too simple to work, but it's allowed me to accomplish so much more than I ever thought possible.

And here's an app to support you in not breaking the chain: Wonderful Day.

If you have not already tried harnessing the progress principle, I urge you to give it a try.

Note: One of many reasons I am a believer in the value of the progress principle (other than that I have seen it work for myself and others) is because it is compatible with some of the solution-focused techniques, such as scaling. I have blogged about solution-focused approaches in the past, e.g., here, here, and here.

Spring began this morning: Here's a poster to memorialize this vernal equinox

Last week, in weather that was over 70 degrees, a sign warning about ice caught my attention. Don't you think my photo of the sign makes a fitting poster to welcome the new spring? Enjoy the coming season!

Teaching with stories: Motivated by monsters or sparked by stars?

Some of us set goals or make choices based on what we don't want to happen, what we want to move away from; others of us are moved by what we want to attain, or move towards. In any given situation, some people are away-from aroused while others are towards propelled. This away from (prevention)/towards (promotion) preference is called regulatory focus; I have blogged about it before.

While doing some research on zombies and other kinds of monsters, I kept thinking of regulatory focus. If we learn from stories (see my last post which is about whether stories teach), then perhaps our regulatory focus would give a clue as to what kinds of stories are most edifying for each of us. Which stories are most influential are likely not one-size-fits all since we are not monolithic. The type of story that will motivate is probably situational, too: Brian may be motivated by a story about how he doesn't want his life to turn out when looking at finances, but by the story of someone who got it right in the arena of health.

Approaches such as Appreciative Inquiry and Solution Focused seek to find out what has worked in the past and move towards the future with those successes or assets in mind. Their stories don't invite or include monsters from the past. These methods seems to be towards/promotion focused and the stories are, too. The approaches are growing in popularity and who would argue with their spotlight on the positive?

Perhaps Professor Stephen Asma. He writes:

In a significant sense, monsters are a part of our attempt to envision the good life or at least the secure life. Our ethical convictions do not spring fully grown from our heads but must be developed in the context of real and imagined challenges. In order to discover our values, we have to face trials and tribulation, and monsters help us imaginatively rehearse. Imagining how we will face an unstoppable, powerful, and inhuman threat is an illuminating exercise in hypothetical reasoning and hypothetical feeling.

Click to read the rest of "Monsters and the Moral Imagination" (Chronicle of Higher Education).

When we seek to teach through narrative or story, should we include a mix of tales? Both of monsters or mistakes and of pioneers or progress? Look at what could go or has gone wrong, along with what can or has gone right? What do you think?

Note: Next month will see the publication of a new book on regulatory focus. The title is Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing the World for Success and Influence.

Photo of Edd Nichols taken by Jim Havey.

Brains on Purpose: Traits and States to Shape Your Conflict Fate

I was interviewed this week by Zena Zumeta for Pattie Porter's podcast series. The description of the program:

Brains on Purpose: Traits and States to Shape Your Conflict Fate

Our brains are changing all the time. We can be in control of those changes or we can have accidental brains, ruled by habit. Stephanie will show you how you can break bad habits, set and reach goals, and maximize your ability to handle conflict through the process of self-directed neuroplasticity. By using some basic techniques, you can take charge of how your brain changes. You can rewire your brain on purpose.

You may listen to the interview here, here, or here.

 

Writing a letter to your future self: The benefits of an Aging Care Directive

Over coffee a while back, my friend and colleague Andrea Gross described to me an idea. I thought it filled a real gap in successful aging, and could be very valuable to those of us who are growing older (who isn't?) and to our children. Because I was so impressed with her concept and its potential benefits, I asked her to write a guest post describing her idea to you. She agreed! Here it is. Thank you, Andy.

How Do I Want to Live When I’m 91? Why We All Need an Aging Care Directive

Please don’t get me wrong. I intend to live to a ripe old age. But just in case I die young, I’m prepared—maybe not emotionally, but practically. 

I have a health care directive that tells what kind of medical care I want if I can no longer speak for myself. I’ve signed a durable power of attorney that names a person to handle my financial affairs if I am unable to do so. And of course I have a will that details how I want my estate to be divided.

But what if I don’t die? What if I wither gradually, remaining mentally competent but a bit slower on the uptake, physically able but wobbly on my feet? In that case, I need a fourth document, an Aging Care Directive that tells how I would like to live, what kind of assistance I’m most willing to accept.

How long should I continue to drive? Do I prefer to remain in my own home, move in with a relative, or

Overview of one model: Comprehensive Conflict Coaching

Click to read a chapter from Conflict Coaching: Conflict Management Strategies and Skills for the Individual by Professors Tricia Jones and Ross Brinkert. The chapter gives an overview, including stages, of one model of conflict coaching, and includes the theoretical underpinnings of this particular model. The model is called Comprehensive Conflict Coaching.

Use a simple double axis chart to reconcile opposites and resolve disputes

Some factors, needs, desires, traits, goals that seem inconsistent can be reconciled with a simple double axis chart like the one I have drawn above. This reconciliation can occur among two or more people, or inside one person. The chart helps us to see the conflict or inconsistency in a more visual way, or, as I often say, to solve it pictographically. (Click for more about the pictographic path.)

Let's use the example of a child custody dispute between divorcing parents. One parent wants much predictability in the agreement and the other wants more flexibility. Put predictability on the vertical axis (the lines labeled "x" and "y" are axes) and flexibility on the horizontal. The goal might be to find a solution in box 3 which is high in both predictability and flexibility. Far to the right on the "x" or horizontal axis and high up on the "y" or vertical axis is represented by box 3, just as low in both factors would be box 1.

Often, the parents discussing and describing what each of the boxes looks like for the family will help to resolve the conflict. Perhaps they will tell stories about the future in each box. For example, as they describe how box 1 would play out in their children's and their lives, both parties will probably agree that is not a solution either would choose. The discussion though can bring clarity and understanding. Discussion of each of the boxes can be enlightening.

The double axis method can be used for individuals, too. Let's say you want to engage in both stillness

Myopic misery: Does sadness affect how money is spent or how estates are settled?

Might your decisions about money be affected by sadness? Yes, according to this new research. Here are a news release about the research, plus the Abstract and an excerpt from the study.

The release from Association for Psychological Science:

Your emotions can certainly impact your decisions, but you might be surprised by the extent to which your emotions affect your pocketbook. New research from psychological scientist Jennifer Lerner of the Harvard Kennedy School of Government and colleagues Yi Le and Elke U. Weber of Columbia University explores how impatience brought on by sadness can in turn produce substantial financial loss. The study is published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.

Using data collected at the Harvard Decision Science Laboratory and the Center for Decision Sciences at Columbia, the authors found that subjects randomly assigned to view a video that induced sadness exhibited impatience and myopia, which were manifested in financial decisions that elicited higher gains in the short term, but lesser gains over the longer term. Thus, subjects in the sadness condition earned significantly less money than subjects in the neutral condition. They showed what is known as “present bias,” wherein decision makers want immediate gratification and so they ignore greater gains associated with waiting.

“Across three experiments, the median sad participant valued future rewards (i.e., those delayed by 3 months) 13% to 34% less than did the median neutral-state participant. These differences emerged even though real money was at stake and even though discount rates in the neutral condition were already high,” the authors reported.

“These experiments, combining methods from psychology and economics, revealed that the sadder person is not necessarily the wiser person when it comes to financial choices,” they concluded. “Instead, compared with neutral emotion,

What's mood have to do with it? The role of Affect Infusion Model in making decisions

The field of psychology includes many, many models, the understanding of which can be helpful to lawyers in negotiation and in the courtroom, and to mediators in conflict resolution. Several of those models, including AIM, may have a role in some decision making. What's AIM? From Wikipedia's entry on Affect Infusion Model:

The Affect Infusion Model (AIM) is a theoretical model in the field of human psychology. Developed by Joseph Forgas in the early 1990s, it attempts to explain how mood affects one's ability to process information. A key assertion of the AIM is that the effects of mood tend to be exacerbated in complex situations that demand substantial cognitive processing. In other words, as situations become more complicated and unanticipated, mood becomes more influential in driving evaluations and responses.

For some practical tips about AIM, see "Change Psychology: Affect Infusion Model" (Change Psychology).

Some of the suggestions in the blog post ring a bit manipulative to me, but the post can help clarify AIM. Of course, you may choose how and if you use the Model.

Change Psychology has an entry on another nugget from psychology, also related to decision making: Affect Perseverance. Click to read the post. For a more complete explanation of the phenomenon, read "Affective Perseverance: The Resistance of Affect to Cognitive Invalidation" (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin). From the article (cite removed):

Affective dispositions to objects and persons are difficult to change. Once an individual forms a positive or negative feeling, to a certain city, a model of a car, or a type of food, then that feeling tends to persist. Others may assail the individual with facts and evidence to sway the feeling—the pros and cons of the given city, the fuel efficiency of the new car, the voluminous calories of the food—but once formed, the affect tends to persevere.

As these examples suggest, the tendency of affect to persevere despite evidence to the contrary is a very common phenomenon covering a rich range of experiences. Feelings are often independent of facts and evidence and it seems to be the case that it is harder to change how a person feels than what a person believes to be true. ...