idealawg

On this Christmas Day, it's good to hear that transformation is possible

News release from Brigham Young University:

Psychologists: Scrooge’s transformation parallels real life-changing experiences

Read more from Forbes

“Bah, humbug!” is the line most closely associated with Ebenezer Scrooge, the famous miser from “A Christmas Carol.”

But the authors of a new study on life-changing experiences give author Charles Dickens high marks for his portrayal of Scrooge’s sudden switch to saintliness.

Former grad student Jon Skalski and Brigham Young University psychology professor Sam Hardy conducted an in-depth study of 14 people who experienced profound, sudden and lasting change. They say the fictional Scrooge would fit right in.

“Like our participants, Scrooge was suffering,” Skalski said. “There was disintegration. There was a world that was ripe for change because of suffering going on.”

Though Scrooge had money, he hit rock bottom in terms of relationships. Orphaned as a child and broken-hearted from a failed engagement, Scrooge’s pains intensify each Christmas Eve, the anniversary of the death of his only friend, Jacob Marley.

In the story, Marley appears seven years after his death as a voice of warning. Though a ghost, the role he plays is true to life. Most study participants described the presence of a trusted other person during their experience.

“Just by their presence, a trusted friend can open up possibilities and a sense of faith in what’s possible that one can’t see,” Skalski said.

Skalski and Hardy’s research will appear in the January issue of The Humanistic Psychologist. Finding people that fit the criteria was no easy task. To do so, they employed ads on Craigslist in Illinois and Utah.

Notably, the experiences shared by the participants were not recent events. On average, nine years had passed between the transformation and their interview. Most of them could remember the exact time of day when the turning point occurred.

“I’ve often thought about this, whether these transformations are really sudden or gradual,” Skalski said. “It’s like water boiling – you can look at that as a discontinuous change from not boiling to boiling, but there are certain elements going on beneath the surface that allow for the dramatic change to take place.”

For an entrepreneur referred to as Kevin in the study, the preceding turmoil arose because his identity as a successful businessman crashed along with his failed ventures. Like Scrooge, he had

New columnist at WealthManagement.com will focus on positive stories

My friend and colleague Hartley Goldstone will be writing columns on improving relationships between beneficiaries and trustees through the use of stories. From his debut, titled "The Positive Story Project" (WealthManagement.com):

Can the widespread dissatisfaction and all the talk of “problem” beneficiaries and “problem” trustees, give way to more creative and productive relationships?  I say:  “Absolutely.”  And, if your intuition is the same as mine, the harder question becomes “how do we get from here to there?”

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Like everyone else, beneficiaries and trustees create stories to put given moments into context. And, the stories become their reality.  A particular story might serve the storyteller well, or not so well.  The point is the ability to direct thinking: Beneficiaries and trustees can decide on their point of view—trusts as a problem, or trusts as an opportunity.

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That’s why we’ll focus on what we can learn from positive stories.  We’ll take a look at the skills and behaviors of our storytellers as they confront dilemmas and opportunities.

To learn more about Hartley and his positive-story project, listen to this interview. Click to learn about his new book TrustWorthy: New Angles on Trusts from Beneficiaries and Trustees: A Positive Story Project showcasing beneficiaries and trustees.

One way to collect your gifts of 2013

During this holiday season of 2012, I have been giving my friends a small pocket calendar and also giving them a poem about how they might use the calendar. The little planner is meant to be a place for friends to collect some of the gifts that come along in 2013. I will let my poem explain . . .

Here comes the new year, 2013 —

May it be the best one you've ever seen.

I've a wish for you; A little book, too

Let me explain now what I hope it will do.

Click to read the rest of the poem. (Using this method, I plan to fill up one of these little books myself during the coming year.)

Note (added December 21, 2012): Below is a response, from a retired lawyer, to my poem. Although I think he has written it with some degree of seriousness, I found it very funny. He wrote (and I post this with his permission):

Legacy is much more than money: Passing on values, not just valuables

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal is a good reminder that what we leave when we die can be so much more than money, real property, and jewelry. The writer believes (as do I) that the wisdom and life lessons we leave are as much as part of our estate as the tangibles. He also describes way to facilitate this passing on of values, and includes "Ten questions to ask important people in your life" (taken from 30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans).

From "Before Passing Along Valuables, Passing Along Values: Why legacies and life lessons are an increasingly important part of estate planning":

Holiday and family gatherings provide an opportunity to capture some of the wisdom elders have to offer. Adult children and grandchildren can start by asking older relatives to share memories and anecdotes—but shouldn't stop there, Mr. [Karl] Pillemer says. If a grandparent served in World War II, for example, don't just listen to those stories or details of time in the service—ask what he or she learned from that experience.

"Ask them for their life stories, but try to tap their life's wisdom," Mr. Pillemer says. "If you ask a person for advice, it empowers them. It honors a person's life experience."

[This next paragraph is also an excerpt from the article but, for some glitchy reason, good ol' Typepad will not let me indent it!]

Older adults should also consider drafting an ethical will, a document that transmits your core values and principles, says Mr. Pillemer. "It can be very powerful for themselves and their families," he adds.

Click to read a past post about ethical wills; includes several related links.

Non-practicing lawyer is co-director of a new workplace initiative for the UCSD Center for Mindfulness

Christy Cassisa, JD, is the co-director of University of California at San Diego's Workplace Initiatives, a part of the UCSD Center for Mindfulness. Click to read a blog post (UC San Diego Center for Mindfulness blog) in which she summarizes many of the benefits of mindfulness in the workplace.

Click to read other stories of Life after Law.

iSplit: Dividing marital assets on your iPad using an app based on Maria Montessori's ideas

The use of computer technology in marital dissolutions is not at all new to me. George Norton, the first attorney with whom I worked after law school, created SupporTax back in 1984; he also designed and produced other computer-based dissolution tools. (And George was an excellent, and funny, teacher and mentor.)

SupporTax was created by George Norton (1930-2000) in 1984. A leading family law expert, George H. Norton was a graduate of Brown University and Stanford Law School. He was in the first group of certified family law specialists in California and a past president of the Northern California Chapter of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. Mr. Norton designed the Santa Clara county support schedule and the Rule 1274 schedule and participated in the design of the new California guidelines established by SB 370.

What do you think about people using their iPads in divorces? From the product's Web site:

iSplitLite and iSplit Divorce represent a new kind of Mobile App that helps you, when dividing up your assets and debts, to make visual decisions about “who gets what” more quickly, with less adversity and acrimony.

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iSplitLite is an iPad based tool that helps divorcing couples split up their marital assets/debts by using the “drag and drop” feature of Apple’s Mobile platform. Move icons around and the program automatically re-calculates for you.

iSplitLite will save you enough in legal costs to pay for the purchase of your iPad

Click to read the story behind the app. You may be surprised to read that it is based on Montessori philosophy!

A novel concept. Useful for some divorces? Maybe a supplementary tool for mediations? What else?

Image credit: iSplit.

Atul Gawande on how professions produce top-level performers and the difference between coaching and teaching

I've been away for a bit due to the illness of a family member, and hope to be back blogging more often soon.

Today I am happy to post the link to a talk by Dr. Atul Gawande; his presentation, given to Harvard Graduate School of Education, is titled "The Difference Between Coaching and Teaching." From the School Web site:

On Wednesday, October 24, HMS and HSPH Professor Atul Gawande applie[d] his observations from the fields of sports, music, schools, and medicine, to a discussion of how different professions produce top-level performers.

Enjoy his talk. Click to learn about Dr. Gawande's book The Checklist Manifesto.

H/T: Farnam Street.