idealawg

Use a simple double axis chart to reconcile opposites and resolve disputes

Some factors, needs, desires, traits, goals that seem inconsistent can be reconciled with a simple double axis chart like the one I have drawn above. This reconciliation can occur among two or more people, or inside one person. The chart helps us to see the conflict or inconsistency in a more visual way, or, as I often say, to solve it pictographically. (Click for more about the pictographic path.)

Let's use the example of a child custody dispute between divorcing parents. One parent wants much predictability in the agreement and the other wants more flexibility. Put predictability on the vertical axis (the lines labeled "x" and "y" are axes) and flexibility on the horizontal. The goal might be to find a solution in box 3 which is high in both predictability and flexibility. Far to the right on the "x" or horizontal axis and high up on the "y" or vertical axis is represented by box 3, just as low in both factors would be box 1.

Often, the parents discussing and describing what each of the boxes looks like for the family will help to resolve the conflict. Perhaps they will tell stories about the future in each box. For example, as they describe how box 1 would play out in their children's and their lives, both parties will probably agree that is not a solution either would choose. The discussion though can bring clarity and understanding. Discussion of each of the boxes can be enlightening.

The double axis method can be used for individuals, too. Let's say you want to engage in both stillness

Is the mindful brain an overhyped topic?

Pop neuroscience continues to come under criticism. To read more on the criticism and skepticism, click to my most recent post over at Brains on Purpose™. For those of you who follow brain science and what neuroscience can tell us about mindfulness, I point you to this post from beliefnet. From "The Mindful Brain: Hype or Hope":

I am sure mindfulness proponents, myself among them, have sometimes oversold the findings of research. Science is a slow, accretive process. It moves at a glacial pace of discovery–too slow for our impatient sound byte culture. Neuroscientists barely understand the brain despite decades of research and thousands of researchers conducting this research.

Why is this so? Simple. Their subject matter–the human brain–is the most complex thing in the known universe. It’s going to take a while to figure it out.

Click to read the rest.

Mediating from a Distance: Suggested Practice Guidelines for Family Mediators

MediateBC has published this manual with the above title which can be accessed by anyone online. From the Introduction to the 2nd edition:

These guidelines paint the relevant topics with a broad brush. Nevertheless, it is hoped that mediators considering whether or not to incorporate the use of information and communication technologies into their family mediation practice will find them to be a useful starting point. They have been prepared primarily for mediators who are looking for ways to provide their services to people who are either too distant or otherwise unable to physically access those services — or to people who, quite simply, prefer to take advantage of some of the benefits of mediating using technology.

Click to read the rest.

A blog I just discovered on practical brain science (written by another attorney who has moved on from the practice of law)

For years, I have known Roger Anunsen, a non-practicing lawyer, via e-mail and occasional phone call but did not know that he has a blog! It is a part of his Web site focused on brain health and cognitive fitness.

Note: Don't be confused by his home page where it says "Check out our recent blogs... ." There is only one blog; the page is pointing you to posts in the plural, not blogs. Just one blog, but it is one worth checking out.

John Muir and Twinkie Tweets

Famous people are misquoted on the Internet, Facebook, and Twitter daily. Like most of my friends and colleagues, I now never pass a quote on unless I do some investigation to see if it is accurate. And typically I don't repeat online any accurate quotes either; more about why in a minute.

Today I saw somewhere online a quotation attributed to John Muir, a man I admire and the person for whom my grammar school was named. With a few short words, in this alleged quote, he summarized systems. Some day in the future I may want to use this quote so I began to research its veracity. The quote I'd seen was not accurate, but I found something better. From "John Muir Misquoted" (Sierra Club Web site):

Misquote Alert: "When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world."

John Muir Quotations

We are frequently asked for the source of the above quote, which for some reason has been included in many popular "favorite quotes" websites around the Internet, and is indiscriminately posted on Twitter and other social networks. We even found it being mistakenly used by Smith & Hawken on a 2007 gift card and in several products in the Northern Sun catalog. Worse, we even found it engraved on granite! Actually, this statement is NOT what Muir wrote. It is only a shortened paraphrase of what Muir wrote, and is not nearly as interesting, eloquent, and charming as Muir's original.

Another variant of this misquote found on the Internet likewise mistakenly attributed to John Muir is this one:

"Tug on anything at all and you'll find it connected to everything else in the universe."

Once again - Muir never said this! Neither of these quotes attributed to John Muir are correct. They are simply paraphrases of the fundamental ecological principle of connectedness that Muir is considered to be one of the first to articulate.

...

Here is the correct John Muir quote as Muir wrote and published it:

"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe."

Regardless of whether or not they are accurate, I often wonder why people Tweet and reTweet many of the quotes I see floating through my Twitter stream. These words do not carry wisdom or wit. Like Twinkies, they are puffy with air, devoid of any value other than empty calories and cheap entertainment, a waste of resources, and saccharine. This week I began to label them in my mind as Twinkie Tweets. Seen any in your stream?

Of course, many people do like Twinkies, they buy them, they eat them. Our tastes in desserts and snacks

As a mediator, do your personal reactions to parties have a place in the process? Does a fish have fins? A bird have wings?

From "Working with Our Reactions" (newsletter of The Center for Understanding in Conflict):

In the last three and one-half decades of working primarily as a mediator, it has come as an extraordinary revelation to discover that an understanding of my personal reactions to the people in conflict I am trying to help is not only professionally valuable, but indispensable to effective mediation. Moreover, I have learned ways of working with those reactions, particularly the strong negative responses that are part of the everyday life of anyone trying to help people who are in conflict, that are indispensable to my effectiveness. Now rather than suppressing my emotional reactions, I find myself not just allowing those reactions, but actively searching for them and using them. More than any other technique or skill that I have learned as a mediator, investigating my inner self has proved to be the most essential and effective way to help others solve their problems. Much of this, I admit, seems counter-intuitive. How can paying attention to myself, my own insides, be helpful to others, the outside world? Particularly, feelings that I am not happy to experience, such as anger, upset and fear. How could paying attention to them, be anything but a problem, if my job is to help others?

Click to read the rest.

Note: I have attended several 5-day programs, and participated in a 2-year intensive, with what is now called The Center for Understanding in Conflict. There is no training I recommend more highly. Click to see their current offerings.

Myopic misery: Does sadness affect how money is spent or how estates are settled?

Might your decisions about money be affected by sadness? Yes, according to this new research. Here are a news release about the research, plus the Abstract and an excerpt from the study.

The release from Association for Psychological Science:

Your emotions can certainly impact your decisions, but you might be surprised by the extent to which your emotions affect your pocketbook. New research from psychological scientist Jennifer Lerner of the Harvard Kennedy School of Government and colleagues Yi Le and Elke U. Weber of Columbia University explores how impatience brought on by sadness can in turn produce substantial financial loss. The study is published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.

Using data collected at the Harvard Decision Science Laboratory and the Center for Decision Sciences at Columbia, the authors found that subjects randomly assigned to view a video that induced sadness exhibited impatience and myopia, which were manifested in financial decisions that elicited higher gains in the short term, but lesser gains over the longer term. Thus, subjects in the sadness condition earned significantly less money than subjects in the neutral condition. They showed what is known as “present bias,” wherein decision makers want immediate gratification and so they ignore greater gains associated with waiting.

“Across three experiments, the median sad participant valued future rewards (i.e., those delayed by 3 months) 13% to 34% less than did the median neutral-state participant. These differences emerged even though real money was at stake and even though discount rates in the neutral condition were already high,” the authors reported.

“These experiments, combining methods from psychology and economics, revealed that the sadder person is not necessarily the wiser person when it comes to financial choices,” they concluded. “Instead, compared with neutral emotion,

Life after Law: UVA Law grad, litigator, now pursues visual artistry

When Corwin Levi was practicing law, he would use Post-It® Notes to remind himself of what else he wanted to do in life. At some point, the reminders were so numerous that he decided to pursue a different path and he quit full-time law. Click to listen to him talking about his career decisions (video from Bloomberg Law). View his art here. Here's a blog post about a charming workshop he did with kids showing them how to use both words and pictures in their art (A Second Look). And see more of his art here; aren't the drawings he created in the margins of his law school notes wonderful?

From "When the Image Is the Word" (University of Virginia Magazine):

Levi, who entered law school after completing an MFA in painting at Temple University, is the first to admit that the intersection of words and images in his own life has led him down an unorthodox career path.

Long before becoming a full-time visual artist, Levi was taking intricate, visually stunning law school notes at U.Va. Levi was awarded a solo show based in part on the artistic merit of his law school notes, though it was U.Va.’s law library that first exhibited his notes as artwork.

I have to say my law school notes were not "stunning." Yours?

Click here to see more stories about Life after Law.

What's mood have to do with it? The role of Affect Infusion Model in making decisions

The field of psychology includes many, many models, the understanding of which can be helpful to lawyers in negotiation and in the courtroom, and to mediators in conflict resolution. Several of those models, including AIM, may have a role in some decision making. What's AIM? From Wikipedia's entry on Affect Infusion Model:

The Affect Infusion Model (AIM) is a theoretical model in the field of human psychology. Developed by Joseph Forgas in the early 1990s, it attempts to explain how mood affects one's ability to process information. A key assertion of the AIM is that the effects of mood tend to be exacerbated in complex situations that demand substantial cognitive processing. In other words, as situations become more complicated and unanticipated, mood becomes more influential in driving evaluations and responses.

For some practical tips about AIM, see "Change Psychology: Affect Infusion Model" (Change Psychology).

Some of the suggestions in the blog post ring a bit manipulative to me, but the post can help clarify AIM. Of course, you may choose how and if you use the Model.

Change Psychology has an entry on another nugget from psychology, also related to decision making: Affect Perseverance. Click to read the post. For a more complete explanation of the phenomenon, read "Affective Perseverance: The Resistance of Affect to Cognitive Invalidation" (Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin). From the article (cite removed):

Affective dispositions to objects and persons are difficult to change. Once an individual forms a positive or negative feeling, to a certain city, a model of a car, or a type of food, then that feeling tends to persist. Others may assail the individual with facts and evidence to sway the feeling—the pros and cons of the given city, the fuel efficiency of the new car, the voluminous calories of the food—but once formed, the affect tends to persevere.

As these examples suggest, the tendency of affect to persevere despite evidence to the contrary is a very common phenomenon covering a rich range of experiences. Feelings are often independent of facts and evidence and it seems to be the case that it is harder to change how a person feels than what a person believes to be true. ...

Up, around, and in between: Some dispositions helpful to resolving conflict

I find simple ways of describing things helpful and memorable. Therefore, I was drawn to a quick list in a a book I have been reading called Intellectual Character: What It Is, Why It Matters, and How to Get It. The items on the list are thinking habits or dispositions, and are discussed in the context of intellectual character, but are also thought habits that promote balance, inventiveness, and nimbleness in conflict resolution. The list:

Creative thinking: looking out, up, around, and about

Open-minded

Curious

Reflective thinking: looking within

Metacognitive

Critical thinking: looking at, through, and in between 

Seeking truth and understanding

Strategic

Skeptical

Like this list?