A key to leading yourself and others: Take a close look at those stone cold habits

Habits can save time and energy by freeing your mind. Habits also can dehumanize you by cementing you in old ruts and grooves. The difference between conscious autonomy and groping enslavement is our power of choice. Stepping back and watching what we are doing is a necessary ingredient in making choices that are self-directing. I believe that self-direction is an elemental component of both leadership and professional practice.

Leadership enjoys much attention today and is an important skill in the 21st century. I am wondering why self-leadership does get not get as much air time? Do you think a person can be a good leader before he or she masters the art of self-leadership? Before he or she has learned to make choices that are self-directing? Can a person be a good leader acting only from habit? What do you think?

When we have a law practice or mediation practice we are able to expand our expertise partly because we grow in unconscious competence; we don't need to think much about many tasks because they become a part of us, they become well-worn pathways in our brains. Is there a possible danger in the unconscious part of the competence? What do you think?

Here's something I wrote back in 2002 about the benefits of awareness. I hope you like the story included and perhaps find it as good a reminder as I do. I need constant reminding to engage my mind; I guess I could say I need to remember to constantly re-mind. Okay, before I go off on a re-member and re-mind riff (it would be such Friday fun), let's get on with the story.

GOOD-BYE TO STONE COLD HABITS

Hot Rocks and Sizzling Stones

J. Martin Kohe retells a story in his book Your Greatest Power.

When the library of Alexandria burned down, all the books but one were destroyed. The single remaining book did not look like it had much value. A poor man was able to buy it for a very small amount of money. In the book, he found written the secret of the Touchstone.

This small Touchstone pebble was able to change any common metal into pure gold. The book explained that the pebble was on the shores of the Black Sea along with many thousands of identical pebbles. The Touchstone was different from all the other pebbles in only one way.

The Touchstone was warm while all the others were cold.

The man sold his meager possessions, bought some provisions, and headed for the Black Sea. When he got there, he began to feel each of the pebbles. So he would not have to feel the same pebble twice, he tossed each cold one into the sea.

Rocky Routine

For three years, he did this. Pick up a pebble, feel that it is cold, and throw it out into the sea. Over and over and over.

One day, he picked up a pebble and it was warm. The man threw it into the sea! He had developed a deeply ingrained habit of tossing pebbles.

Even when the Touchstone pebble he so desired came into his grasp, he threw it away.

What unrecognized gems have you thrown away out of habit?

And Today . . .

Today examine your pebbles using your grand gift of choosing rather than your habit of discarding, dismissing, discounting.

Are there people in your life to whom you only half listen out of habit? Objects in your environment you only half see? Textures you only half feel? Songs you only half hear? Foods you only half taste? Thoughts you only half think?

Messages from your heart and soul you toss away? Strong creative urges you drown? Gifts you bury with the old shovel of habit?

Daily many of us are throwing away resources and riches. Over and over and over.

Today, use each of your senses in a fresh way, free of the habit lockstep. Listen, hear, feel, touch, see, watch, move, taste, smell ANEW.

When a pebble on the shore of your day comes into your awareness, look at it with new and fresh eyes. Respect it, re-spect it, look again.

Then choose what you want to do with it. Do you choose to throw it out to sea, away from your awareness? That's fine, of course. But your choosing ensures that you will toss away no gems. Some pebbles you may choose to keep.

Gatherings and rituals of family and friends can become habits. So can business functions. Same menu or agenda, same people, same activities, same old, same old. Lots of cold and worn pebbles to toss away. Know that there also are some very warm Touchstones waiting for you. Choose to hold all in your awareness today so you won't miss the warmth.

Once you savor the warmth, it can thaw and melt frozen habits and hearts. For each of us, today can be the birth of a new way.

©Copyright 2002 Stephanie West Allen

Comments

[Delany Dean]

I teach mindfulness practice as a counseling, or mental health, intervention, to master's level practicum students. I am ALWAYS looking for ways to introduce this practice (a practice of the intentional, compassionate direction and re-direction of attention) in alternative ways that are clear, down-to-earth, and that do not invoke a lot of baggage or prejudice involving Asian spirituality. Stephanie's post does this admirably and (unless she forbids me!) I fully intend to incorporate some of these ideas into my own teaching, both for my students and for their clients!

[Charlie]

That's right. Leadership must start within us and must be learned instead of doing the usual things in life. We must first master it before trying it to other people, otherwise it's irresponsible.

[Howie]

You're right about that. Failing self leadership means that we are not yet ready to move on to the next phase which is leading other people. It is important that we master self leadership first before moving on to leading others.

[Senia.com Positive Psychology Coaching]

So much of life is about being mindful! I cannot type email and be on the phone at the same time. I have tried, but it's not too doable! Mindfulness is fabulous for its usefulness. And we also know it's worth doing because it's enjoyable too!