Are you sure you know what you're communicating? With which beak do you speak and which ear do you hear?

According to the four-ears model of communication, when we talk we transmit four messages and, when we listen, we can hear with four different ears (thus, of course, why the model is called four-ears). I believe the number of ears and messages are more than four, but this model nevertheless can be very helpful in improving understanding.

(Click the image above to enlarge the four-ears diagram.)

The model was developed by Friedemann Schulz von Thun, who was influenced by the work of Paul Watzlawick in its creation. Schulz von Thun believed that the four messages of any communication are:

• Content (What are the facts and data I'm stating)
• Self-disclosure (What i'm revealing about myself)
• Appeal (What I'm seeking from the other person)
• Relationship (How I relate to, think about, and regard the other person)

Because there are four kinds of ears with which we can listen, and four beaks (that's what Schulz von Thun called the output part of the communication) with which we can transmit, the potential for miscommunication can be very high. In fact, if you were only to consider the single channels, any communication has 16 different combinations! My statement of a fact can be heard by any of your four ears, as can my communication of self-disclosure, appeal, and relationship.

Here's an example from Wikipedia which I have edited a bit for clarity:

The classic example of Schulz von Thun is the front-seat passenger who tells the driver: "You, the traffic lights are green". The driver will understand something different according to the ear with which he hears. With the content ear, he will understand the "fact" that the traffic lights are green. He could also understand it as "Come on, drive!" command, the appeal ear. Or in the relationship ear he could hear a helping message like "I want to help you." Or the listener may hear "I am in a hurry" [which] reveals something about the speaker--self-disclosure ear. The communication on the four layers can be meant differently and also be understood differently. So [for example,] the sender can stress the appeal of the statement and the receiver can mainly receive the relationship part of the message.

There are many communication models of which this is only one. I like using models such as this for a

number of reasons. A good model:

1. Demonstrates the complexity and potential for misunderstanding with even the seemingly simplest of communications
2. Requires observation of both yourself and the person with whom you are communicating
3. Improves attention as you become more skilled in the observation (Added bonus: both attention and self-observation are necessary skills for self-directed neuroplasticity or changing your brain on purpose)
4. Helps to analyze miscommunication
5. Gives you several options for where to make a change, if change is desired
6. Provides humor and fun, especially when initially practiced among friends and colleagues in non-conflict situations.

Do use a communication model? If so, which one?

For more about the four-ears model (also called the four-sides model, or the communication square), see Wikipedia, page at Academy for Conflict Transformation, or "Forms and theories of communication: from multimedia to Kansei Mediation" (pp 305-306).

Image credit: Wikipedia.