idealawg

Estate planners, how do you handle objects and the meanings behind them? They are personal archaeology

Our objects can be very important to us when we are alive and to others when we are dead. Why objects of the deceased are more important to some than to others—for example, why an old cup belonging to their recently deceased mother is of vital importance to one sister and, to the other sister, trash—is a topic I find fascinating, intriguing, engrossing, compelling . . . you get my degree of interest.

Because of that interest, I wish I could hop the pond later this month and take a seminar titled ""Digging deep: personal archaeologies" being taught by poet and former archaeologist Jo Bell. [Added later: There is no actual workshop; the exercises included in her article linked to below are what she labels a workshop.] From an article by Bell:

Approach your own archaeology by looking at the things around you now – what an archaeologist would call your "material culture". That coffee mug will survive, but the tablecloth (and the table) won't. The bottle of nail varnish, your wedding ring, your hip replacement – these will endure. Think too about your most precious objects: the ones you would wish to take with you. If most of your possessions will be erased by time, is that unsettling – or is there a kind of solidarity, an equality of dispossession? Consider what will be left of you in purely physical terms and what a future archaeologist might make of it. What kind of personal life would they extrapolate from the traces of your work or home life? What bizarre juxtapositions would be thrown up if you were preserved, Pompeii-style, in your living room?

Click to read the rest of the article from the Guardian. How would you answer some of the questions she asks? Estate attorneys, how would your clients answer? Does it matter if you know your clients' responses? Would it make a difference in how you handled their matters if you knew?

Notes:

• Related books: Objects of the Dead: Mourning and Memory in Everyday Life and Evocative Objects: Things We Think With
• Related posts: "Wills are a tapestry of humanity": Storytelling in estate planning and will writing and Who Gets Grandma's Yellow Pie Plate? An online guide to passing on personal belongings

 

"Caring for elderly parents inflames old sibling rivalries"

Some of you may recall I was thinking about writing a book about negotiating and facilitating differences between siblings when a parent was dying and when matters had to be handled after a death. These differences arise frequently among clients of my colleagues who are estate planning lawyers or elder mediators, and among friends with siblings.

From the interest my idea garnered, I knew that such a book was needed. But I never got around to writing it. It appears that someone else may have written that book. Good! It fills a gap.

I have not read the book They're Your Parents, Too!: How Siblings Can Survive Their Parents' Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy, and am hoping it will live up to my expectations. I do know a bit more about it after reading an interview of its author. Excerpt from the interview:

Ms. [Francine] Russo, who interviewed 50 siblings as well as researchers and clinicians for her book, spoke with The Globe and Mail.

You detail the many unprecedented hurdles facing boomers as they start taking care of their dying parents: Life expectancy is up, as is the accompanying dementia; boomers are divorced and often without the support of a second earner; they are living farther away from the family home and often still supporting children. It sounds like a pressure cooker.

It’s a perfect demographic storm in the sense that many psychological, economical and medical

Upcoming radio show on aging parents: "The Leaving Dilemma: Finding the Right Goodbye"

David Solie's radio show tomorrow will be on this important topic. From the show's Web site:

As we come along side our aging parents in the final phase life, we realize that this is ultimately about goodbye, many times sooner then we expect. How do adult children navigate these deeply emotional and painful currents? My guest, Kelsey Collins, has written a book about this dilemma entitled Exit Strategy: Leaving this Life with Grace and Gratitude.

Our show will explore the following topics from her book:

1) What is an “exit strategy” in the context of aging parents and their families?

2) What can adult children do when their aging parents are still alive to make this a less painful process?

3) What can adult children do to enrich their relationship with their aging parents?

4) What is a “good death?”

5) How do you create an exit strategy when you are a “long distance” caregiver?

6) What is the “adopt an elder" program?

7) Given how uncomfortable this topic is for families, what are some of the best ways to initiate and sustain these critical conversations?

If you can't listen in tomorrow, you may listen later at the same link.

BBC beats Jennifer Aniston: Airing a show later this month about Harvard psych prof Ellen Langer's well-known research on aging and attitude

I have been waiting a long while for Jennifer Aniston to release a movie about the experiment detailed in Ellen Langer's newest book Counterclockwise: Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility (more here and here). Lately I have heard no details about the movie and wonder if it is still going to happen.

Now the BBC has filmed a series on the same topic which will be airing September 14 - 16, at 9 PM. I only wish I could view it here in the US, because it sounds like a program any of us on the long side of 50 (40?) will want to view and ponder.

From the BBC release:

What would happen if six celebrities in their seventies and eighties went back to 1975? Could just one week of living in the past make Liz Smith, Lionel Blair, Dickie Bird, Kenneth Kendall, Sylvia Sims and Derek Jameson physically turn back the clock; could reliving their heyday allow them to think themselves younger?

BBC One sends six well-loved stars back to the badly decorated time of fondue and flares to conduct an extraordinary experiment which will change how people see ageing for ever. From the food to the clothes, the television shows to their day jobs, the group is immersed in the world of their heyday in order to discover the enormous power the mind has over the body, and to illustrate how people age.

Presented by Mariella Frostrup and resident BBC One scientist Dr Michael Mosley, The Young Ones provides a refreshing, uplifting take on ageing, looking at how a person's environment can shape the way that they think, and how, in turn, the way people think shapes how

A conversation between Boomers and Gen Y might be: "Want My Advice? Um, Not Really"

Inter-generational advice is the topic of a Wall Street Journal blog post. From Want My Advice? Um, Not Really:

"The older generations totally mean well," [a a 28-year-old woman] says, "but they're giving advice based on things they did in the past, when times were different."

Older people have always offered advice to younger people, with words of wisdom culled from their memories of youth. And, of course, in every era, young people have found advice from elders to be outdated and ineffectual. These days, however, given how fast the world is changing, there's been a clear widening of the advice gap.

It's rooted in a devaluation of accumulated wisdom, a leveling of the relationships between old and young. On many fronts, people from Generation Y—now ages 16 to 32—assume their peers know best. They doubt those of us who are older can truly understand their needs and concerns.

In a profession based on precedent and client relationships,and, dare I say, wisdom, how would inter-generational advice between older and younger lawyers best serve clients? Your thoughts?

David Solie looking for guests for his radio talk show: His focus is communicating with seniors

David Solie writes:

I am looking for guests for my BlogTalk radio, which will resume in the fall 2010 and run through the spring of 2011. You can listen to previous radio shows at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/solie. 

The shows are recorded on Saturday mornings, 9:00 AM, Pacific.  They last 30 minutes.  Guests call into the show, which are are conversational and fun to do.  If you have topic related to aging parents, adult children or the non-linear journey through the  "second half of life," let me know (david@davidsolie.com).

The shows are recorded and available to for a variety of uses by the guests.

Past topics have included rewiring your brain (on which I was the guest), life story writing, and social networking for seniors. Click to see all the past show topics and listen to them, too.

Blog Glob: "Why No One Under 30 Answers Your Voicemail"

Excerpt:

"Millennials grew up with computers and cell phones the way baby boomers and Gen X'ers grew up with typewriters and corded telephones," according to a recent Deloitte report, "Decoding Generational Differences: Fact, fiction ... or should we just get back to work?" [pdf] "The implications of this technological disparity are profound: Baby boomers see technology as a tool, or even a toy, while younger workers see it as an extension of themselves. These millennials see themselves as 'technology natives,' moderate multi-taskers who get a lot done. Most of them mix entertainment and work."

Who Are These Employees & What Is Their Preferred Mode of Communication?

Depending upon which resource one is perusing, the generations are roughly represented as:

Veterans, also known as traditionalists, the silent generation or radio babies: Born 1927–1945, "Radio Babies grew up with the least amount of technology, which makes it no surprise that they reported that they prefer to communicate face-to-face about problems, concerns and suggestions," say authors Linda Gravett and Robin Throckmorton in their book "Bridging the Generation Gap." "Their second option for communication might be a phone call;

Intergenerational relations: Two studies for those of you working with cross-generational conflict in families

Two recent studies have looked at patterns of relationships between parents and adult children. The researchers in both studies grouped relationships into four categories: amicable, disharmonious, detached, and ambivalent. Below are the abstracts of the studies, and an excerpt from an article about the most recent piece of research.

"Emotional relationship quality of adult children with ageing parents: on solidarity, conflict and ambivalence" (European Journal of Ageing):

Abstract:

Emotions towards a relationship partner provide relevant and specific information about relationship quality. Based on this assumption the present study was performed to identify different types of emotional relationship quality of middle-aged adult children with their ageing parents. This was done by cluster analytic procedures in a sample of 1,208 middle-aged adult children (482 men, 726 women). Using ratings of positive and negative emotions towards their mother and father as grouping variables, the same four-cluster solution emerged for both the child–mother relationship and the child–father relationship. Clusters were labelled as amicable, disharmonious, detached and ambivalent relationships. Results showed that especially amicable relationships clearly prevailed followed by ambivalent, detached and disharmonious relationships. Clusters differed significantly with respect to gender of adult child, willingness to support, expected parental support and

News release: "New Book Debunks Common Myths About Millennials in the Workplace"

I am not able to locate this new book from Neil Howe, one of the generation gurus, on Amazon.

Excerpt from the news release (PRWeb):

Great Falls, VA (PRWEB) July 14, 2010
With Boomers on the verge of retirement, organizations are gearing up to hire large numbers of young Millennial employees—a fact that has most employers throwing up their hands. Complaints about this incoming generation abound. A 2009 Pew Research Center study found that a majority of older Americans believe today’s young adults are inferior to them in moral values, work ethic, and respect for others. Each month, media stories criticize Millennial employees for everything from poor grammar and short attention spans to flip flops and Facebook breaks.

In his new book "Millennials in the Workplace: Human Resource Strategies for a New Generation" leading generational expert Neil Howe turns this downbeat message on its head. Managers and the media have it all wrong, contends Howe: Today’s rising youth workforce is not a liability and a challenge, but an asset and an opportunity.

Ever wonder why these Millennials are so different?

It’s no surprise that managers, HR gurus, and the media misinterpret this new generation. As Millennials in the Workplace explains, the Millennials (born 1982-2004) are nothing like the earlier generations of Boomers (born 1943-1960) or Gen Xers (born 1961-1981).

“They are pressured and programmed,” explains Howe. “They are special and sheltered, bonded to their parents and networked to their friends. They want structure and instant feedback. And they expect to be doted on and served.” Quite different from the Gen Xers, Millennials work well in teams and have complete confidence in their future. Adds Howe, “They fear risk and dread failure, and

Who Gets Grandma's Yellow Pie Plate? An online guide to passing on personal belongings

University of Minnesota Extension has created a Web site with resources to help people think about the passing on of personal items when someone dies. For those of you who work with clients that face these decisions, I pass these links on to you.

• Who Gets Grandma's Yellow Pie Plate? home page
• Free articles
• Introductory video
• Family stories
• More about WGGYPP? and the project team

Note: I recommend this related book Objects of the Dead: Mourning and Memory in Everyday Life.

H/T for the Yellow Pie Plate project: Email from Purposeful Planning Institute.