idealawg

A good reminder to be aware of taking generational stereotypes too far

The consultant described in "Speaking to Generation Nexus: Guru Explains Gens X, Y, Boomer To One Another" (New York Times) has reduced generational differences to "cheat-sheet wallet cards." I think the degree of simplistic stereotyping she has brought to the various cohorts is both laughable and insulting.

Many of the quotes from the article made me wonder if this woman is putting us on. For example:

Near the end of the seminar, Loehr instructs one group to devise an ad campaign for a trip to France geared to Generation Yers. As the allotted time ticks down, Perry, the banker, stands up and rattles off buzzword after buzzword.

"We're going to fly in the Airbus . . . which is advertising green accommodations . . . and recycled seats . . . while being connected to the Internet . . . and because we are somewhat risky, we are going to [bungee] jump off the Eiffel Tower," she says. "Text us at organic.com for a 20 percent discount."

Everyone laughs and claps, but Loehr stands up to evaluate. "That was great. A couple comments. . . . Gen Y do not like to fly because of the carbon [emissions]. . . . Also, you started off by saying, 'We work hard to play hard.' . . . That's an X thing. That kind of threw me off. And the last thing, you

A new book about elder mediation

Each month that goes by, I dislike that appellation "elder mediation" more. But you've already heard me on this topic. I am posting now to tell you about a new book. Click to a Web page describing Elder Mediation: A New Solution to Age-Old Problems. From the Web page:

Eighteen mediators from the United States, New Zealand, Scotland and The Netherlands contributed to chapters dealing with conducting a proper intake, imbalances of power, ethics, mediation styles and building a mediation practice. The first book in 2004, TRUCE! Using Elder Mediation to Resolve Conflict among Families, Seniors and Organizations, was co-authored by Patti Bertschler and Laurette Cocklin and sold out last year.

"The best part of writing the second book comes from meeting mediators across the world who share a similar peace-making vision for helping families and organizations. Everyone across the globe faces problems as they age, and hearing about the good work of mediators in other countries, states and cultures is very gratifying," reflects Dr. [John] Bertschler.

NPR airs show about elder mediation

As much as I dislike calling it "elder mediation," I know mediation between generations can be relationship-saving and very helpful,often healing, to families. Yesterday NPR had a program on these kinds of family disputes and the mediators that can assist in their resolution. From NPR:

They are disputes that can split apart families: Mom's left a pot on the stove again, so her daughters want her to give up her house. Dad's got more scrapes on his car, so his kids want to take away the car keys. Now there's a new option for families: Call in an elder mediator, like Rikk Larsen.

Larsen comes in as a neutral third party to help families negotiate difficult situations and choices.

He talks about one case where an elderly father was getting forgetful and wasn't paying his monthly bills. His children — who lived far away — found out when the father's heat and electricity were turned off. But the elderly man got angry when the kids tried to help.

"Dad simply didn't want any of his kids to know how much money he had and how his finances were organized," says Larsen, and things were getting worse. One son insisted on going to court to get his

"A Coming of Old Age Story" - An interview of Ira Rosofsky, author of NASTY, BRUTISH AND LONG

Introduction:

It's a fact of life that most of us want to avoid.  As life expectancy increases, more and more people will find themselves living into extreme old age--and with that, the physical and mental struggles that come along.  That also means more of us in nursing homes, or assisted care situations, unable to fully take care of oursselves.  It's something the baby boom generation is grappling with now as their parents grow old, and as they plan ahead for their own later years.

Today we’re talking with Ira Rosofsky, author of Nasty, Brutish, and Long: Adventures in Old Age and the World of Eldercare. Rosofsky is a New Haven psychologist, who's spent thousands of hours in nursing homes around the state. His new book has been called a “coming of old-age story.” It's a look at the culture and industry of caregiving.

Listen to the interview here.

Now here's an example of what "elder mediation" should mean

"Elder mediation" as we have begun to use it here in the US is demeaning to the older person. I have already blogged about that. (See too the comment to my post from Canadian Arnold Zeman.) Take a look at how "elder mediation" is used in Ethiopia. It refers to mediation done by elders bringing to the conflict their experience and wisdom! Think about that. What has happened here that elders are a problem instead of facilitators of solutions? Perhaps a cultural self-fulfilling prophecy?

Let's change elder mediation to generation mediation (or anything else but elder mediation!)

Calling mediation involving older people "elder mediation" has always bothered me. It's like calling divorce mediation "wife mediation" or "husband mediation." It focuses on just one of the people involved. I cannot imagine saying to my mother or father, "Well, we are going to go see an elder mediator." To me, it has a condescending feel and a focus on the older person that is unnecessary and lopsided. Where did this "elder mediation" label come from?  The field is relatively new so we still have time to change its name before this misnomer gets too firmly entrenched.

Blog Glob: "How Elder Mediators Differ from Other Eldercare Specialists"

Excerpt:

Eldercare issues are often complex, inviting confusion, comment and conflict from family members who may not see eye-to-eye. Professionals who work with older adults provide, recommend and/or support the best quality of care for older adults. Some overlap between various professional groups exists; however, one specialty area is typically more appropriate as a starting place for each eldercare situation. Typically, referrals back and forth between various professionals are common to meet the needs of older adults and their families as they venture through the journey of eldercare.
Geriatric care managers provide comprehensive assessments of older adult situations, develop care plans, assist in implementing the plans and often stay involved to monitor ongoing care needs.

Elder law attorneys (as defined on www.naela.org, the website for the National Association of Elder Law Attorneys) “focus on the legal needs of the elderly, and work with a variety of legal tools and techniques to meet the goals and objectives of the older client.”

Psychotherapists diagnose and treat mental and emotional disorders, and provide consultation to

Blog Glob: "Elder Mediation Resolves Family Conflicts"

Excerpt:

“My daughter is insisting I move in with her,” complains Martha. “She just wants to control my life and take away my freedom,” she continues.

Jenny, Martha’s daughter worries that her mother keeps falling, and fears one day she will break her hip or hit her head.

“I’ll take my sister to court before I will let her get control of mom and my inheritance,” exclaims Jim about Jenny’s desire to move her mother in with her.

It is amazing how quickly formerly cordial relationships between family members will sour when the family has to deal with care of elderly parents or inheritance at their death. Sometimes the consequence of dealing with the final years of elderly parents can break families apart and create long-lasting animosity.

Click to read the rest of "Elder Mediation Resolves Family Conflicts" (National Care Planning Council).

H/T: Florida Estate Planning Law Blog.

Blog Glob: "Using Mediation to Manage Conflict in Long Term Care Facilities"

Excerpt from "Using Mediation to Manage Conflict in Long Term Care Facilities" (Gilbert Guide):

When individuals who have lived independently in their own homes for many years are thrust together with caregivers in situations over which they have only partial control, conflict may boil up. Traditionally, administrators of assisted living facilities and nursing homes have tried to work out conflicts by talking and meeting with family or other concerned parties as well as the residents themselves. Sometimes this works. At other times, however, outside help may be necessary to resolve the conflict.

Click to read the rest.

Blog Glob: "Neighbors squabble and mediators settle"

Excerpt from "Neighbors squabble and mediators settle" (The Oregonian):

Since the city's Dispute Resolution Center started 20 years ago, the quarrels have graduated from barking dogs and trees across property lines to truant high schoolers and fractious homeowners associations.

One of the first mediation programs in Oregon, Beaverton's center celebrated two decades of work last month. But the center and its staff aren't sitting still. The center has expanded to new specialties -- including elder mediation, manufactured-home park issues, truancy cases and consumer complaints -- and is always looking for other areas to bring into mediation.
...
As society becomes more mobile and neighbors know one another less, formal mediation programs have replaced the person who acted as neighborhood peacemaker, said Irvin Foster,