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Green hair and Parmesan cheese: Ask big, new, shiny-bright questions about mediation

Mediation can be boring. In the last couple of years, I have talked with several experienced conflict professionals who have echoed my feeling of boredom. The boredom does not so much flow from being with parties in conflict but from the discussions among practitioners. I sense that too frequently we are playing small, our thinking and acting constrained, and governed excessively by the past.

And for those us of who have been involved in the field for decades, the feeling of deja vu descends upon us as we hear the same old discussions arising anew, from questions about process accreditation to prickly analyses of party autonomy and caucusing to debates about mediator self-awareness and mindfulness. We've been there and done that and know deep in our hearts that those may not be the right questions for the 21st century.

Always on the lookout for ways to ascertain the best questions to ask myself, parties, and the field, I was delighted to learn that Dr. Roberta Ness has a new book. I savored her first book. She teaches a class on innovation and is dean of University of Texas School of Public Health. (Click to watch her TEDxHouston talk on increasing innovation.) Today I listened to an interview of Dr. Ness (WGBH News) in which she talks about all of her books and how to become more creative.

In the interview she looks at this question: What if you could define—and distill—innovation and creativity? She says that innovation is teachable (although it takes practice like playing a musical instrument) and geniuses work from a toolbox. Her first book Innovation Generation describes those tools. She talks about her concern that the US is facing a lack of imagination and that schools are not teaching students to be creative. Even though kids' IQs are going up, their creativity is going down.

Ness says when a 3-year-old colors in a coloring book or draws a picture, he may decide to use the green crayon for hair; the typical school soon teaches him that is not an acceptable option. On the other hand, a philosophy and practice of education that does raise students' ability to innovate is Montessori, and Ness includes Maria Montessori as one of the people she profiles in her new book Genius Unmasked.

A threshold skill of innovation is frame-shifting. Ness explains that frames are expectations we have through which we filter new information. What's a frame-shift? From the WGBH site:

Photography opens your eyes to a new way of seeing: Interview with Christine Valters Paintner

I am pleased to introduce to you Christine Valters Paintner and her new book Eyes of the Heart. I read the book because of my belief that photography can increase both our mindfulness and our ability to attend to ourselves, others, and our world. The book shows us why and how the way of seeing facilitated by photography can be valuable. I asked Christine a few questions that may be of interest to conflict professionals.

The law can be a very stressful profession. In Todd Kashdan's book Curious, he talks about the relationship between curiosity and anxiety: the more curious one is, the less anxiety he or she will be experiencing. In your book, you talk about the promotion of curiosity through photography. Will you say more about that, please.

Curiosity is a wonderful quality which promotes spacious inquiry. Rather than needing to figure everything out and extract the answers, through curiosity we can hold ourselves open to new possibilities.  To be curious means to let go of my own expectations about how things should be and discover what is really there.  It means softening my desire to be right and listen into new ways of thinking and being.

Since reading your book, I have repeated in conversations several of the points you made. People seem uniformly intrigued with the notion of receiving photos rather than taking them. Please explain that to readers.

This is one of my favorite aspects of talking about photography specifically as a contemplative practice.  Our favorite and common language for photography is “taking” a photo.   We use it all the time without much thought as to the deeper meaning of the words.  But we live in a culture of taking, where we often grasp at things we want, look for life to meet our desires of the moment, feel impatient when things don’t go our way.

To “receive” a photo means to shift our intention in the process of creating an image.  For me, receiving is about acknowledging that all of life is a gift.  When I go for a walk with my camera, rather than look around me thinking about what images I can take, what kinds of beautiful things I can record as a trophy to my experience, I try to cultivate this sense of receiving gifts.  I pay attention to moments that shimmer before me, even if I don’t understand exactly why.  Something calls to me, stirs my energy, quickens me and I create a sense of spaciousness to receive that through the lens of the camera to see what might be revealed to me.

Mediators and other conflict professionals often use the process of reframing. How can your approach to photography help a person to become better at reframing in other arenas besides photography?

Using Sketchvideos for teaching: A demo focusing on conflict

My talented friend and colleague Susanne Hoogwater (also a lawyer and mediator) is very creative. Since she is a Renaissance Soul, I am constantly astounded and delighted at the new arenas she opens up for others and the products she designs. Recently I have become aware of a method she is using to facilitate teaching about conflict, and watched it in action.

And now you may watch a sample SketchVideo created by Susanne, too. It's part of a series on emotional intelligence and critical decisionmaking that she is designing for Denver's Conflict Center. This sample looks at four kinds of power: over, surrender, with, and within.

Click to watch the SketchVideo and to learn more about the benefits of communicating with this medium, as well as Susanne's process of creating these videos. She does it all on her iPad!

Living with SIN: Using photos to track our shifts and changes over time

Last week, I gave a presentation in Baltimore on conflict resolution; one focus was detecting your inner mediator. We looked at six tips or clues for that path of inner clarity. One of the six was: "Look at people and disputes through SIN (Situational, Individual, Now)." Our discussion included the benfits of being wary of assumptions about one size fitting all, and of remembering that behavior, preferences, values, other states and traits can vary significantly with context.

In looking at SIN, I included some photos in the handouts which I will post below. I recommended that photos be used in such a way that we can see how we change from day to day. This exercise was not created by me; I have seen it in various forms a number of times. Let's look at how Stephanie Calabrese Roberts, author of The Art of iPhoneography, describes it.

She gives these instructions:

Scan through your image library and select a handful of your favorites. Study each image and ask yourself these questions:

• What were you doing moments before you made the image?
• What inspired you to make the image?
• How did you feel at that moment?
• How did the time of day, season, or weather impact the moment?
• How does the image make you feel now?
• If you could return to the scene now, how might you see it differently?

Since most people in my session would not have brought photos with them, I provided those below. Attendees were asked to write some reactions, observations, feelings, or descriptive words below each of the photos. I urged them to then revisit the photos a week later, preferably even further in the future, and again respond to them (not looking at the previous responses). Typically responses will shift and change.

Roberts writes in her book:

Maryland Bar's ADR Section Spring Award Event (photos included)

Rachel Wohl (click to enlarge)

I was pleased to attend the ceremony on Thursday, May 3, at which Rachel Wohl received the award named for Judge Robert M. Bell, the Chief Judge of the Maryland Court of Appeals. (To read about Judge Bell's very impressive background, click here.) The award is "in recognition of her substantial and significant contributions and efforts advancing ADR in Maryland." It was presented by Judge Bell himself. Click to view the evening's program.

Here are some photos. (I apologize that a couple of the captions are incomplete because Typepad does not resize them when a photo is resized.)

Westminster Hall in Baltimore where event was held

Dave Simison, head of MD Bar ADR Section, and Judge Bell

Rachel Wohl, Judge Bell, Jonathan Rosenthal; Dave Simison was cut off when photo was inserted here

Upcoming seminar—Snap to Attention: Increasing Self-Awareness with Your Smartphone’s Camera

We have set the date for the Snap to Attention™ retreat to be held at the beautiful Spirit Mountain Retreat in Idyllwild, CA (nearest airport is Palm Springs). The two-day program will be held on the first weekend in November. Check here at this post for more details soon, email me to be notified when they are added, or join the Spirit Mountain mailing list.

This a short description of the program:

Snap to Attention™: Increasing Self-Awareness with Your Smartphone’s Camera

Brain science has proven what wise people have always known: Two critical components of resolving conflict, achieving career satisfaction, serving clients, and excelling at many other personal and professional endeavors are sharp and sensitive self-awareness and awake and aware attention. Many of us have in our pocket a tool to increase those skills of awareness and attention: our phone camera. We will look at how the camera’s filters, frames, and focus are metaphors for how we see the world, and ways to use our camera to increase our moment-to-moment mindfulness. Bring your smartphone and mind to increase in-sight and out-sight.

We will of course have time for contemplative activities, including photo snapping, on Spirit Mountain's beautiful grounds.

Click to read previous posts about photography.



Image credit: Spirit Mountain.

Filters and frames revisited: Do you see what I see, witness what I witness, picture what I picture?

We each have our own individual, unique filters and frames. This individuality results in our seeing the world—and people, situations, and circumstances in the world—in very different ways. I don't always attend to, construe, or notice what you do. Of course, as most of us probably know well, these differences can lead to conflict.

I recently posted about filters and frames at Brains on Purpose, and included a number of photos using various filters, frames, and apps to illustrate how one scene can have many versions or interpretations. That post at Brains on Purpose received a positive response from readers so I decided to post another series of shots, this time here at idealawg.

Take a look below at the various portrayals of garbage containers waiting on the street for the disposal truck. (Click on photos for larger versions.) Do the different renderings cause you to focus on varying places in the photo; imagine a different story; shift your responses, attitudes, or feelings?

Before taking a look, I hope you read the post at Brains on Purpose.

A few programs on how to resolve generational disputes, including one with author of MOM ALWAYS LIKED YOU BEST

Pattie Porter continues to offer valuable interviews related to conflict resolution. In April, she will be offering four related to conflict in families and between generations. Information below. (In February, I was pleased to be a guest on her program; links to listen to that program titled "Brains on Purpose: Traits and States to Shape Your Conflict Fate" are here.)

Pattie's upcoming programs:

April 2nd : The Magic of Elder Mediation
Guest: Judy-McCann-Beranger

Elder mediation can enhance family communication skills and change the face of health
care as we know it. It promotes dignity and respect and enhances the quality of life for all
concerned.

April 9th : Tending Our Broken-Open Hearts: Keeping Peace
Guest: Rose Gordon

We hope that we, and our family and loved ones will come together in the kindest ways
when someone we care about is dying. We hope the shared experience of loss will bring out
the best in us. But grief and loss brings all kinds of feelings to the surface.

April 16th: Got Conflict around Eldercare and Estate Issues? Here's a Guide for Resolution!
Guest: Arline Kardasis

Arline Kardasis, mediator, trainer and co-author of Mom Always liked You Best, will discuss this guide for resolving family feuds, inheritance battles and eldercare crises.

April 23rd : Can't Get Your Aging Parents and Adult Siblings to Listen? Learn How Conflict Coaching
Can Help
Guests: Carolyn Rodis
Guest Host: Steven Kotev

Learn how conflict coaching can help you change those dynamics to manage conflict and
communicate more productively with your aging parents and adult siblings.

May in Baltimore—Lessons from Poe: Detecting the Inner Mediator

 

Three conflict resolution programs on May 2 and 3. Will you be joining us at these events sponsored by the ADR Section of the Maryland Bar Association?

And what does Edgar Allan Poe have to do with mediation?

Poe is acknowledged by many as the genius who invented the detective story and inspired the genre of science fiction. Over 150 years after his death, we can still learn much from the imagination of this author and poet.

A skilled mediator is a supreme detective. The foremost, primary, and threshold mystery to solve: What method of mediation is best suited to the individual conflict professional, the parties, and the conflict. We will use an assessment approach to facilitate that first solution.

The clues a mediator must be able to read with precision involve self-awareness and self-knowledge, discovery of purpose, theory of mind (or discovering what's in the minds of other people), and razor focus on solutions, not problems. We will take our magnifying glasses to those topics and sharpen those skills.

Click for more information and to register. There's still time for the early-bird rate.

Rachel Wohl will be given award for significant contributions to ADR in Maryland

Because I will be giving the keynote address at the event, I am very happy that I will be present to see Rachel Wohl receive this award! (I met Rachel and spent some time with her in 2010, when she and I were at Berkeley Law for the Mindful Lawyer Conference.) Congratulations to her for recognition well-deserved.

The email announcing the award came from David Simison, chair of the ADR Section of the Maryland State Bar. He wrote:

Subject: Chief Judge Robert M. Bell Award to be presented to Rachel Wohl
Date: March 13, 2013 5:23:25 PM EDT

I am pleased to announce that this year's Chief Judge Robert M. Bell Award will be presented to Rachel Wohl, Esq., Executive Director of the Mediation and Conflict Resolution Office in recognition of her substantial and significant contributions and efforts advancing ADR in Maryland.  

Please join us at our Spring Dinner on May 2, 2013 at 6:30 during which the Award will be given.  This event, at which Stephanie West Allen will be our Keynote Speaker, is the culmination of Ms. Allen’s day-long self-awareness training sponsored by the ADR Section:  Lessons from Poe ~ Detecting the Inner Mediator.

Register before April 1 for discounted pricing.

To register for the Dinner, the Training, or both, go to or click:

https://www.msba.org/Forms/event/adrspringevent050213.asp

For more information about the programs I will be giving in May in Baltimore, click here. I hope to see many of you in Baltimore.