10 things the wealthy should leave their kids—besides money

The Wealth Report blog of The Wall Street Journal posted a list of 10 things parents should provide for their children. The list was created by ex-lawyer Peter A. White. From his story:

...White says he was discovering "a dissatisfaction with my life practicing law, a life focused on success and making money," even as the external accouterments compounded. "It wasn't fulfilling. After chasing success but not finding happiness, I took a step back. It was an evolutionary process but I made fairly radical changes in the way I was living."

White chose to employ his talents where his heart clearly lay. In 1986, while remaining of counsel to Fulbright and Jaworski, he founded International Skye Associates, Inc., a firm that provided personal counseling services and specializes in rendering services in the field of private wealth and philanthropy. White and his associates stressed "taking advantage of opportunities and solving problems according to the needs and goals of each family as defined by them, integrating modern thinking about business and finance with timeless wisdom from religion, philosophy, and the social sciences."

The WSJ post talks about the White's list of 10.

I met up with Peter at a wealth retreat in California last week. During his speech, he casually mentioned a list he created of the 10 things parents should provide for their children, which he called “The 10 Elements of Care.” The audience – mainly wealthy investors — wanted to know more, so Peter ticked off the list.

The list begins:

 

1. Necessaries — food, clothing, shelter, medical attention, basic education.
2. Affection — This involves “the great big person who takes care of me opening him or herself to me, making him or herself vulnerable and human in a way, connecting with me physically and in spirit, and thus affirms my significance as a person.”
3. Affirmation and Support — This is basically about expressing sincere belief in the child: “You want to be a cheerleader – or a doctor or an astronaut – and you can do it!”
4. Boundaries — Peter says that “we are living in an age where the lack of boundaries for children is epidemic. Boundaries, of course, reflect a closing value – that certain, reasonably well-defined behaviors are unacceptable, and that when these behaviors occur, unpleasant consequences will result.”
5. Guidance — “Telling and showing children how to cope, how to deal, how to create, how to succeed. Guidance involves how-to techniques such as how to do the dishes or drive a car but at essence guidance is about beliefs — belief in the sense of action motivated and circumscribed by values held by the parents. In the wealth context, guidance on budgeting is essential, and guidance on philanthropy, which may come from participating in family philanthropy together as a group, are good examples. Parents of wealthy kids are worried about passing their values to their children, but they needn’t worry about that if they are present to them, in quality and non-quality times.”

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