People, Action, Content, or Time: Which is your preferred listening style?

Still another difference between cultures besides those already mentioned: Listening styles. Differences in listening styles also occur within cultures. These differences can create conflict in couples, in the workplace, in mediation, and in professional relationships, including that of attorney and client. Learning one's own preferred style and watching what others prefer can make a big difference in anyone's ability to communicate.

The listening styles I am about to describe were developed by James Weaver, Kittie Watson and Larry Barker. After each style, I have listed a few typical features of each.

The Listening Styles

People

• concerned for the other person’s feelings
• look for interests in common with the other
• likely to become engrossed in the other person’s problems

Action

• want accurate, brief, concise statements (A, B, C statements)
• get impatient with disorganized communication
• prone to finishing the thought of the other person

Content

• want to hear all the facts so can carefully make their own judgments and form their own opinions
• want complete facts, data and evidence so they can evaluate them
• like to solve complicated puzzles with complex pieces

Time

• prefer short, speedy, swift interactions (S, S, S statements)
• will often tell others how much time they have to meet
• if time feels pressing, or the other is taking too much time, may interrupt or look at their watch

You Can Negotiate the Differences in Styles

One problem with listening styles is that people use them out of habit, rather than choice. Even when another style would be more appropriate for the situation, they

may stick with their dominant style. They do not adapt the style to the situation. So mismatches happen all the time.

A long time ago, I went to a meeting with a person who was also a new manager where I had just been hired as a manager. I looked forward to the meeting so we could talk about what it was like to work at our new place of employment and so I could learn about her. When I arrived at her office, she said she had 10 minutes to meet. I was disappointed, a little hurt, and somewhat irritated. (This was before I knew about listening styles.) I was in People Style (wanted to get to know her better) and she was in Time Style (concerned about her time and schedule).

Many years later, neither of us are working in that organization but we still are friends. And she still prefers the Time Style but now we negotiate what our needs are for each interaction. Today the potential mismatch is fun and sometimes humorous. Especially when I find myself in Time Style and her in People Style. Even though we have a dominant or preferred style, circumstances may result in a shift.

Each of these styles is appropriate for certain situations. None of them are right or wrong in themselves. Mismatches are the problem and part of being a good communicator is being able to adapt your listening style to the situation. Just being aware of the four listening styles can give you, in the future, a greater ability to adapt and a better understanding of communication problems you encounter. Once you and others in your life are aware of the styles, you may choose to look at the purpose of each interaction and decide with them what listening style(s) will be best for the purpose of the interaction.

Four Listening Style Tips

1) When you want to establish rapport with someone, match their listening style.

2) Before you go to a meeting with someone, decide on the appropriate style then be willing to adapt.
What is your goal for the interaction? Relating to the person? Getting something done? Gathering complete information? Conserving time? Obviously you may have more than one. Looking at the goal in advance facilitates the interaction and prevents mismatches and miscommunication.

3) Make it a habit to, at least once during an interaction, assess your style and the style(s) of the others with whom you are interacting.

4) When a mismatch is occurring, talk with the other person/people about what the needs are for the interaction and then use the listening style(s) to match the needs.
For example, if you need to get something done quickly and someone is talking about their weekend, tell them time is important to you right then and listen to what they need from the interaction.

The Listening Styles As Common Language

One of the valuable benefits of everyone in an organization—or relationship—learning these styles is that you now have a common language to address the mismatches. If you each have different goals, needs, and  purposes for the interaction, you can negotiate the difference. An example: If one of you is in Action Style mode and one of you is in Content Style mode, you can use the words “action” and “content” and negotiate the difference to see which works best for the purpose and focus of the interaction. (And it may be that both styles are appropriate.)

Try the Styles

Play with these styles for a week. Please let me know how the playing goes.

Note: In the beginning, people often confuse Time Style with Action Style but they are different. With one the goal or purpose is action (“let’s get to what needs to be done here”); with the other the person is attending to time (“don’t take up too much of my time”).

Another note: Some research about the differences between cultures in listening styles.

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