When a person affirms his or her deepest values, the process of conflict resolution can be easier, and often quicker. In fact, most other activities can be facilitated by affirming your values (what is called self-affirmation), whether it be running, or recharging, or writing.
However, for many of us, our habits can get in the way. We all have seen clients, friends, colleagues, and, yes, ourselves repeatedly or automatically default to a conflict mode. And, at the extreme, are behaviors such as addiction to indignation, a state that makes the resolution of a dispute very difficult. As we have discussed here before and as I talk about in my programs, those habitual behaviors, even the most extreme, can be changed and self-affirmation plays an essential role in that change.
Jeffrey says that when you practice mindfulness, you become aware of all the nonsense going on in your mind. You can then use this observation to make judgments about what you will allow to play out in your life.
“The brain is passive, the mind is active. The mind is the choices and decisions you make. You have to use the brain and the mind as a team. The brain puts out the call, the mind decides whether to listen.”
What is the role of self-awareness and self-reflection in effective conflict resolution? To hear a teleconference on that topic, click here. The title of the teleconference is "Inside Out: How Conflict Professionals Can Use Self-Reflection to Help Their Clients" and it features long-time mediator and lawyer Gary Friedman.
Click to watch Dr. Willoughby Britton talk to the Dalai Lama about her research on the negative effects of meditation. He responds that problems can occur when the practice is decontextualized and is not grounded in tradition, knowledge, ethics, and morality.
So often today we see people blithely stripping off the practice from its tradition and using meditation for be-here-now, anything-goes, feel-good benefits while not including important components such as ethics and ignoring context. The Dalai Lama told the story of being shown the blueprints for a new meditation center. He looked them over and said, "Where's the library?" Knowledge of the tradition, and of the roots and principles of mediation, is critically important.
What are some of the pitfalls of viewing meditation simply as a process of bare attention? When mindfulness is equated with bare attention, it can easily lead to the misconception that the cultivation of mindfulness has nothing to do with ethics or with the cultivation of wholesome states of mind and the attenuation of unwholesome states. Nothing could be further from the truth. In the Pali Abhidhamma, where mindfulness is listed as a wholesome mental factor, it is not depicted as bare attention, but as a mental factor that clearly distinguishes wholesome from unwholesome mental states and behavior. And it is used to support wholesome states and counteract unwholesome states.
Respected brain researcher Amishi Jha brings a fascinating exploration of findings from cutting-edge neuroscience on the profound and positive effects of mindfulness practices on the brain, psychological health, wellness, and resilience. These practices are finding broad application in corporate, medical, educational, and military settings.
Amishi Jha, PhD, associate professor of psychology at the University of Miami, is an award-winning and widely published researcher and director of contemplative neuroscience for the Mindfulness Research and Practice Initiative. (www.amishi.com)
Enjoy her presentation. In addition to being a noted researcher, she is an excellent speaker.
Both photos were taken by me at the Naropa event. The second one includes Jane Carpenter who co-presented with Dr. Jha on the second day.
Brains on Purpose: Traits and States to Shape Your Conflict Fate
Our brains are changing all the time. We can be in control of those changes or we can have accidental brains, ruled by habit. Stephanie will show you how you can break bad habits, set and reach goals, and maximize your ability to handle conflict through the process of self-directed neuroplasticity. By using some basic techniques, you can take charge of how your brain changes. You can rewire your brain on purpose.
Click to listen (the link is towards the bottom of the page).
Conflict Resolution, Neuroscience & Zombies with Stephanie West Allen (Idealawg)
In this 31st episode of the Conflict Specialists Show, Dave Hilton interviews Stephanie West Allen (Idealawg & Brains on Purpose) about her work with Conflict Resolution, Neuroscience, Mediation, Monsters and…wait for it…ZOMBIES!
Some of the topics in today’s episode:
Writing Multiple Blogs
BOOK – Triversity Fantasy: Seven Keys To Unlock Prejudice
Your tone of voice can affect your client's ability to hear you, especially in times of stress. In order to have a tone of voice that allows us to be heard, we need to monitor our own level of tension, our own level of defensiveness, our own level of feeling safe. Ongoing monitoring requires mindfulness.
And a truly calming tone of voice is very different from a maneuver, move, or ploy to manipulate a client.
The tone of voice that facilitates good communication does not result from a technique: it flows from the speaker's state. It comes from an inner feeling of safety and conveys that safety to others. Porges's Polyvagal Theory provides the neuroscience and physiology behind the effect of voice tone.
If you want to interact effectively with clients, I highly recommend that you take some time to listen to Porges talking about his theory here or here (slides for the CCARE talk). (Other talks are here.) I have found that listening at those links was easier to understand than reading his book or articles about his work, with the exception of this written interview and this one which are easy to understand.
Once again I am featuring wise practitioners, Shanker and Porges today, who do not talk about stuffing your bag of tricks fuller or
Neuroscientist Emiliana Simon-Thomas, Ph D, Science Director of the Greater Good Science Center, presents at Berkeley Law on the ways meditation can improve the well-being, concentration, and emotional intelligence of lawyers. In addition to reviewing recent studies in neuroscience and psychology, Simon-Thomas highlights results of pilot studies on Berkeley Law students demonstrating these benefits among participants in mindfulness-in-law courses. Hosted by the Berkeley Initiative for Mindfulness in Law (law.berkeley.edu/mindfulness.htm).
Below is an article with a good overview of a skill and habit that is helpful, probably essential, to both parties in dispute and conflict professionals: focusing a mind that's wandering. The article also explains some of the neuroscience underlying focus and wandering. From "How to Focus a Wandering Mind" (DailyGood.org):
Reading all this might make you think that we’d be better off if we could live our lives in a constant state of laser-like, present moment focus. But a wandering mind isn’t all bad. Not only can we leverage it to build focus using FA [focused attention] meditation, but the capacity to project our mental stream out of the present and imagine scenarios that aren’t actually happening is hugely evolutionarily valuable, which may explain why it’s so prominent in our mental lives. These processes allow for creativity, planning, imagination, memory—capacities that are central not only to our survival, but also to the very essence of being human.
The key, I believe, is learning to become aware of these mental tendencies and to use them purposefully, rather than letting them take over. Meditation can help with that.