Which metaphor do you like? Is a mediator a human alarm clock or a knight with no daze?

We are most easily manipulated when we are in our day-to-day daze, sleepwalking through life. The level of awareness, and degree of somnambulism, of each person in the conflict room can be affected by a mediator who is awake and mindful. Think of the conflict professional as a human alarm clock, not typically jarring, but nevertheless influential and noticeable. The awake and mindful professional's presence revives and alerts. And she has no snooze button.

Whether or not the mindfulness of the mediator can affect the conflict resolution process is a matter of debate. If you read this blog, you know that I think the mediator's mindfulness has impact. There is a continuum along which this debate roams and sometimes rages.

On one end of the continuum are those who think the self-awareness and mindfulness of the mediator is paramount to his competence. On the other end are those who say the proper application of techniques is the critical ingredient. I lean much more to the first-described end of the continuum, but acknowledge some skills, some practices, are needed.

Why do I think mindfulness is important? Many reasons, but perhaps the most important

is the subtle and also the obvious ways we relate as human beings. Brains and minds affect each other. We are not isolated by our skulls. To say the awareness state of the conflict professional is not an influence on the process is, to me, mystifying. 

I was reminded of the value of self-awareness today when Roger Dooley Tweeted a blog post that looks at mindfulness as a shield against manipulation. (There's the knight metaphor. Were you wondering when it was coming?) The blogger also looks at what is happening in the brain when we are manipulated.

Two discussions being held in the conflict resolution arena, the mindfulness discussion, and another about brain knowledge, are both brought to mind by this article. I am intrigued to see that these two discussions are not particular to dispute professionals. In many arenas in addition to conflict resolution, e.g., coaching, counseling, managing, teaching, leading, I hear people talking about

• Whether the mindfulness of the mediator (or other professional) is relevant or important
• Whether clients should be told about the workings of their brain.

Read the blog post and perhaps think about these two issues. Although the post is titled How to Protect Yourself From Advertisers Neuromarketing Tricks, much of it applies to being manipulated anywhere, anytime, including when in conflict.

Let's continue these discussions. Tell me:

• Do you think your mindfulness is important to your effectiveness as a conflict professional?
• Do you think it is important to have some basic knowledge of the brain? If so, do you think that information should be given to your clients?
• Alarm clock or knight?

Comments

[Aled Davies]

I totally agree. Mediator mindfulness is at the heart of effective mediation. For me mindfulness is about being aware of one's own theory-in-use or blind spots. When we operate from our espoused theory with little mindfulness a gulf forms between how we should think and act as a mediator and how we actually think and act.
I don't so much have a metaphor but I do see myself as a Columbo (as in Peter Falk) type of mediator - full of curiosity.

Many thanks for this and other posts, a wonderful resource for mediators.

Best wishes
Aled

[StephanieWestAllen]

Thanks for your comment, Aled. I think Columbo is an excellent role model. Sandler Sales Training uses him very effectively. The Columbo character was brilliant.