I sometimes say the role of the mediator is attention choreographer or attention conductor. Where people are putting their attention is going to powerfully influence the conflict, and any resolution. Attention is key.
To help with attending to attention, I point out to you excerpts from two different books. The first is from the book Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life. From the excerpt:
If you could look backward at your years thus far, you’d see that your life—what you’ve confidently called “reality”—has been fashioned from what you’ve paid attention to. You’d also be struck by the fact that if you had paid attention to other things, your reality and your life would be very different.
Attention has created the experience and the self stored in your memory; looking ahead, what you focus on will create the life and person yet to be. Psychology has mostly examined our pasts to explain and improve our lives. If you think in terms of the present and future instead, you might encounter an intuition lurking in your mind, as it was in mine: If you could just stay focused on the right things, your life would stop feeling like a reaction to stuff that happens to you and become something that you create—not a series of accidents, but a work of art.
Click to read the rest of the excerpt (Utne Reader).
The second excerpt is from the book Distracted: The Erosion of Attention and the Coming Dark Age. From the excerpt:
Can attention be trained? To [Alan] Wallace, who has
