Your values: One way to lessen the stress of conflict

Of course, conflict can be stressful. When stress impedes the resolution of the conflict, many methods are available to lessen stress. One method, studied at UCLA, is affirming one's values. Affirmations have been touted by many New Age gurus and joked about by comedians. In MedicineNet.com article "Trump Stress With Your Thoughts,"[that link no longer working so use this] David Creswell, lead researcher in this study of values affirmation, explains the difference between that kind of affirmation and the affirmation he studied . . .

Typically, when people think about affirmation, they think about Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live," says Creswell. "You know, 'I really like myself.' But this was a much more subtle activity -- just thinking about an important value.

The study looked at stress created by public speaking. Public speaking is often cited as number one on lists of fears. Prior to public speaking (and researchers added some stressors to the public speaking experience, including an unfriendly audience), research participants listed their top five values and then participated in an exercise that forced them to think about one of those values.

The study, described in the Psychological Science article "Affirmation of Personal Values Buffers Neuroendocrine and Psychological Stress Responses," found fewer indicators of stress in those who had affirmed their values prior to the stressful situation.

Although doing a values exercise is probably not going to be appropriate in many conflict resolution settings, getting disputants to recall important values is often done either deliberately or

instinctively by those skilled at conflict resolution.

For example, in the initial phase of the mediation model of I use, time is devoted to the purpose of mediation for these particular clients. Why are they doing this? The purpose varies from situation to situation and the eliciting of that purpose is often critical if and when the mediation gets contentious or otherwise difficult. That purpose is typically key to getting through the rough spots.

Experienced mediators in this model know how to guide the parties to each party's personal value-level purpose. (Those of us using this model know what can happen if we do not spend enough time at the purpose step of the mediation.) After reading this study I see that one reason purpose is key to opening the door to resolution is because of the value's calming effect. As with so much of this research, it is only confirming what people have known intuitively and found to work in practice.

Bonus: Here's an exercise to clarify your own values. This exercise yields not only insight but also your personal stress buffers.

Note (added July 20, 2007, 1:16 PM Mountain): Tom Kosakowski at Ombuds Blog in his post Focus on Values to Reduce Stress of Conflict added . . .

I know of one transformative mediator and business consultant, who might embrace this approach. Sean Mason has his clients undertake a "Core Values Exercise" as part of the dispute resolution process and is writing a book about the methodology. Even if such a direct approach might not work for every onbuds, it may be valuable to include a discussion of values with new visitors.

Note (added October 5, 2008, 5:32 PM Mountain): A related article: "Why Does Writing about Important Values Reduce Defensiveness? Self-Affirmation and the Role of Positive Other-Directed Feelings" [pdf] with hat tip to Deliberations.

Note (added April 5, 2009, 2:15 PM Mountain): A recent article mentions the Cresswell research; see the last point in "Six Surprising Stress Fixes."